The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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