so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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