I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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