Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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