Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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