cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
