I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
