I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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