I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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