My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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