did you get engaged???
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
