So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
