I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
