Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
