no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize