im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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