this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
