guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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