I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
