I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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