I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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