she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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