I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
