All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
