i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
literally had 100 drinks last night.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
