Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
