Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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