There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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