I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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