I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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