so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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