bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
