she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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