***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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