my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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