Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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