Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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