He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
