I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
