Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
