Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
you traded sex for a burrito?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
