My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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