I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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