Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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