Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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