I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Found the puke drawer
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
