if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
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