would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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