I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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