Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
