Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
