If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
