just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
