The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
