you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
