sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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