I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Randomize
