walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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