i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
