so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Randomize
