Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
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