You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
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You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
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I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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