how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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