Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
