Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
