You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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