I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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