i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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