5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
