Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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