Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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