I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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